Punning

I would ban anyone who engages in punning like this. ❋ Unknown (2010)

It was frustrated ancient scribes who first realized the limitations of literal pictographs and began decoupling and recombining sounds, symbols and meanings—in short, punning—to invent history's first true alphabet. ❋ John Pollack (2011)

She must avoid frequent attempts at wit; avoid punning, which is the cheapest possible form of wit; and avoid sarcasm. ❋ Helen Ekin Starrett (N/A)

He's recovering well and punning, which is the true measure of his recovery. ❋ Unknown (2009)

Headline writers are often given to paronomasia (which they would probably call punning, as paronomasia, which would not fit into most headlines, is not in their vocabulary). ❋ Unknown (1991)

I at once looked on the figure of the animal as a kind of punning or hieroglyphical signature. ❋ Unknown (2006)

I at once looked upon the figure of the animal as a kind of punning or hieroglyphical signature. ❋ William Patterson Atkinson (N/A)

You bet she would, I thought: for, with a flash of that outrageous inward punning which is too swift for the reason to control, I had had, absurdly enough, a tantalising vision of the curtain going up on Scheherazade. ❋ Unknown (1938)

Lamb considered them to be a kind of punning, but in one case the same position, in the other the same signification is given to words of the same sound. ❋ Alfred Guy Kingan L'Estrange (1873)

The exile felt himself all out of joint with his surroundings, and so he called the little child that came to him 'Gershom,' which, according to one explanation, means 'banishment,' and, according to another (a kind of punning etymology), means 'a stranger here '; in the other case expressing the same sense of homelessness and want of harmony with his surroundings. ❋ Alexander Maclaren (1868)

He loved wordplay — nothing could summon a grin like an outrageously punning title. ❋ Matthew Guerrieri (2009)

Peter rhyming couplets bring out the worst punning imaginable. ❋ Unknown (2009)

Manic humor and punning repartee fills the early books: Shocking! ❋ Sarah Weinman (2011)

It is a shame that the three pictures by which he is represented here are themselves rather ineptly lit, but there is no shortage of Tintoretto elsewhere in Venice, and, as its punning title indicates, this exhibition, as the director Bice Curiger puts it, constitutes a "United Nations of a different kind." ❋ Andrew McKie (2011)

Not only did he inspire gamblers 'round the planet during the World Cup, in his death he's inspiring the punning mourners of Twitter and Facebook. ❋ Melissa Bell (2010)

Pom Wonderful, that punning advertiser and occasional false advertising plaintiff, sued Ocean Spray for false advertising of its pomegranate and cranberry juice blend. ❋ Rebecca Tushnet (2009)

Steve decided that tonight he would use the [punishment] of punning instead of [spanking] his sub, [Carol]. He would tie her to a chair and force her to listen to every pun he could think of. ❋ Beamer512 (2008)

*cracks fingers* I can't quit put my finger on what goes here. On the other hand, I might just be able to single-handedly do this job. Mashing on this keyboard reminds me of when I dated one a while back, but she wasn't my type. She was ugly enough to make a man screen. She turned my hard drive into a [floppy disk] fast. Do you C: what I did there? Start a conversation with me and there's no escape, no alternative exit, no end. I have 12 difference functions of pun insanity. I control everything. You can DOS all hope out of the Windows, to get hit by a BUS, and drown in water. "Water you talking about?" you say? What, did those slip right [bayou]? I'm tide of people not understanding my deep puns; Wave been over [this many] times before. This is hardly a current problem. How can I get anymore pacific with what I'm doing here? [Islanded] puns repeatedly. There's Flo stopping it now, you can be [insured] of that. Unlike others, my puns get progressively better, to the point where they're auto. I'll cripple you to a vegetable with these, I don't carrot all. You'll be artichoked to death, and buried. Try getting [to the root] of the problem now. These come in spades, you hoe, dig it? I'll shovel these puns down your throat, till you're infertile. As for meta-puns, have you ever met a pun? My pun-chlines [pun-ish] pun-ks pun-ctually (overkill), do you [punderstand]? Don't punderestimate me. These'll sting more than accu-pun-cture and veni-pun-cture combined... etc etc etc etc.......... ❋ The Original Master Of Masters (2015)

You [really] didn't [see] the [pun] there? ❋ PUNctuality (2015)

He became a [math teacher] due to some [prime] [factors]. ❋ MChicago (2005)

"Did you know I used to be a banker?" [Dal] asked "Why did you stop?" you reply "I lost interest" "Talk about a [bad pun]," you tell him while you shake your head. You began to walk away [never never] to look back. ❋ Layla912793 (2015)

You [just] [got] punned! [punn'd] ❋ Cukoo (2006)

Forests are [full of wood]. People use wood to make chairs. Chairs are for-rest. Maybe I should leaf the internet *Points at fish habitat* I went to the [tattoo parlor] the other day, and the guy inside asked me: Would you like to hab-i-tat? *Gets out of car* That was a wheel-y tire-ing day. *During a Storm* Woah, look at the wind doe, through the window. [Anne Frankly], I did nazi that coming. Did jew? "Did Jew" was the neinth pun in these examples. You're ruining my concentration. Camp you quiet down? Well, I gas I could. Auschwitz one was the best? Israeli hard to choose. ❋ Kentucky Fried Trump (2016)

"That dreamers often [lie]" the pun is that dreamers [lie in] bed but also lie about [dreams]. ❋ Kali' (2006)

Brock (Pokemon): "It's raining! I guess I'll use my frying pan...as a [drying pan]!" *holds it over head to catch the rain* Frank: "Hey Bob, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Bob: "Oh...hey, Frank. My dog passed away a little while ago. I found him lying under the table, struggling to breathe. The vet said he had a cardiac arrest." Frank: "Oh, I'm sorry, man. It sounds like his last few minutes were a *[heart ache]*." Bob: "God damnit, Frank, [you're such an ass]! Fuck you and your damn puns!" ❋ Dr. Dick Delaware (2011)

Pun: There was a [marine biologist], named Dr. Panglos, who loved [dolphins]. (When I say he loved dolphins though, I’m not talking about in any kind of “sick” way; he just loved to study them). He spent his time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea. One day, in a fit of inventive genius, he came up with a [serum] that would make dolphins live forever! Of course he was ecstatic. But he soon realised that, in order to mass produce this serum, he would need large amounts of a certain compound that was only found in nature in the metabolism of a rare South American [myna] bird. Carried away by his love for dolphins, however, he decided that he would go to the zoo and steal one of these birds. As he was arriving at the zoo an elderly lion was escaping from its cage. [The Lion]’s name was Leo, which wasn’t too original of a name for a lion if you ask me, but it’s probably not important to the story. Anyway, the zoo keepers were alarmed and immediately began combing the zoo for the escaped animal, unaware that it had simply [lain] down on the sidewalk and had gone to sleep since it was [the Lion]’s regular [naptime] anyway. Meanwhile, the marine biologist arrived at the zoo and stole his bird. He was so excited by the prospect of helping his dolphins that he stepped absent mindedly over the sleeping lion on his way back to his car. Immediately, 15 [policemen] converged on him and arrested him for the crime of transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises ❋ WhatWhereVagina (2017)